No More Binky

Marlee is a huge binky fan. And when I say huge, I mean HUGE. 

We started phasing out the binky last year when we decided she could only have it at nap times and in the car. At this point, her obsession grew and not only did she need one binky, she needed two. Since then, she slept with one in her mouth and one in her hand. Yes, she had two binks at all nap times. Total pain in the rear. 

Have you ever tried looking for not only one but two binkies in the pitch dark? Not exactly how I want to spend time out of my day. Or have you ever forgotten the binky on a car ride? Worst mom everrrr!

Regardless of the reasons for getting rid of the binky, we knew the time was coming and it needed to happen soon. With Marlee's third birthday coming up, we decided to rip the tape off and just do it. We were going to be binky free if it was the last thing we did!

So I turned to my wonderful, old friend Pinterest and did a little research. I was trying to find a fun but positive way to be binky free. I knew this was going to be pretty painful for everyone involved. I obviously had no idea how painful...

We decided to make a big day of it. I have been telling her for weeks that we were going to Build a Bear and she could pick out any bear that she wanted. She was going to kiss her binkies goodbye and put them inside the bear. If she was ever missing her binkies, she could hug her bear really tight and feel better. She was 100% on board! She wanted a pink bear with a pink dress. We would go on her birthday so it was an added gift and we could do something fun for her actual birthday since her party wasn't until the next day. 

All systems go. 

So her birthday rolls around, we head to Build a Bear and had a wonderful time! The people at Build a Bear were amazing. Marlee was all for picking out a pink bear, stuffing it with a heart, put the binkies inside without any hesitation, washed the bear, picked out a pink dress, and even named her 'Sissy'. They gave her a birthday sticker and even gave her two matching bows to match her bear. Adorable! Marlee loved Sissy so much and she was so full of joy... until we hit the car.

About half way home, Marlee was just staring at her bear. The look was pure horror. Her face just shouted "What the hell did I just do?". All of a sudden, her bottom lip started to quiver and tears rolled down her face. She never made a single noise, just stared at Sissy with pure sorrow. I think the realization and she could not get the binkies back out was setting in. 

So I turned around and held her hand. I told her that everything was going to be ok. Nope. I should not have said a word because angry Marlee was unleashed. She screamed. Screamed! She threw Sissy across the car and demanded to have her binkies back. She cried and sobbed and was inconsolable. We decided to forfeit lunch at this time and just head home. Marlee continued to scream. I tried everything I could think of to calm her down. She marched right up to her room, threw Sissy in the closet, shut the door, and screamed for her binky. You would have thought that I took her best friend away. She ended up crying herself to sleep in my arms, my chest being covered in tears and snot. Half hour later, she woke and continued this tantrum. Nap time was over!

Later that night as I laid Marlee down to bed, the tantrum started again. Holy cow, I have never seen her act like that. Never in her life has she been so upset. She was hysterical. She never left her bed but to throw Sissy back in the closet and slam the door. She screamed and cried till she was covered in red spots to her face and chest. She was soaked in sweat. She confessed that she did not want a birthday party, she did not want to be three, she did not want cake or cookies or presents or to have her friends over. She just wanted her binky back. She didn't even want a big girl bed anymore, she wanted her crib back. SHE IS THREE! The hardest part was her ability to vocalize how upset she was. And listening to her try to negotiate her way back to her binky. 

I was devastated. I ruined her birthday. Why did I do this on her birthday again? I should have done it the day before. Not exactly smart thinking on my part. But it was done. The binkies were gone. Marlee was up that night until 11:30. She proceeded to search every drawer, every bin, every nook and cranny of her room for a binky. This little sneaky girl even went into her sleeping brothers room to see if she could steal his binky. Poor Nicky was about to be robbed in his sleep - by his own sister! I caught her though and finally got Nick involved. He went right in and told her it was time for bed. Wanna know what happened next? 

She said ok, rolled over, and went to sleep. 

(Insert all the eye rolling emojis!)

We are now one week later. Nick has been amazing with this whole process. Something about dads and their ability to calm and lay the law down at the same time. I was only here one night this week (workkkkk) but he has his routine and its been working great. He throws her in bed, tucks her in, and then checks on her every 10 minutes until she is asleep. Usually takes three checks but no screaming or crying with this method. He is the best and his patience is amazing.

So if anyone is stuck in the hell called binky-land,  I have some advice. 

Just take the damn binky away. Just throw it right in the trash. A forty dollar Build a Bear with two binkies inside currently resides in a dark closet covered in tears and sadness. Marlee hates the thing. A rather large waste of money.

But don't do it on their birthday. Its rather cruel. 

And good luck! Stay strong moms!

Update: Marlee has been doing great with no binky! She has not cried in a week. I even overheard her telling Nicky that he has a binky because he is a baby - but she is a big girl and has no binky!
So proud!

Marlee Turns Three

Every Girl Deserves Birthday Flowers

Happy Birthday Marlee Jo!

Three years ago, I was holding my greatest accomplishment, my sweetest gift, and the biggest challenge of my life, all swaddled in a blanket on my chest. Today, she wakes up and while she does not want to be cuddled on my chest, she continues to be the sweetest gift that God has given me. 

I say this as she demands chocolate milk without a bother to say hello. 

How do I sum up three year old Marlee into one blog post? Marlee is my strong willed child. A "three-nager" if you will. She knows exactly what she wants and exactly when she wants it. She can be shy at times but once she is warmed up, she is non-stop action and giggles. Marlee is a good mix of girlie girl and superhero. I am not sure where she gets it from but she loves anything pink, adores playing with make-up (especially Grandmas), and is convinced that she is a princess. I can blame her father for the last one. On the other side, Marlee loves to wrestle, run "super fast", and play baseball. I could watch her and Nicky run around in the backyard all day. Until one of them starts screaming of course...

Marlee is also quite the entertainer. She loves to sing and dance. She often makes up songs depending on what is going on around her. Her new song "I Am Sorry So Don't Cry Nicky" is sure to be a big hit. She also loves to color, draw, build blocks, and play her "Ohdoe" - which is just a Kindle that she has mysteriously named Ohdoe. Marlee is incredibly smart (I know all moms say that) and has a huge vocabulary with the cutest hint of a lisp. I love to ask her questions about her day because she remembers everything and in such great detail. 

I did a little interview of Miss Marlee of some of her favorite things:

What is your favorite color? PINK!

What is your favorite toy? My bear

What is your favorite food? Applesauce

What is your least favorite food? Seeds in the apple ("I don't like those.")

What is your favorite TV show? Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Peanut butter sandwich

What is your favorite snack? Fruit snacks

What is your favorite animal? Bear

What is your favorite song? "You Are My Sunshine"

What is your favorite book? Baby animal book (I have no idea what book that is)

Who is your best friend? "You! And Isaac and Nicky and Daddy!"

What is your favorite cereal? "The ones with the marshmallows in there"

What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play!

What is your favorite drink? Juice

What is your favorite store? Target! (That's my girl)

What do you want to be when you grow up? "A big girl!"

Hopefully I can remember to 'interview' her every year because she was so cute answering all the questions with such concentration. 

We are getting the house ready for Marlee's party tomorrow and are so excited to have everyone over to celebrate my baby girls third birthday. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I will have a three year old! Where does the the time go? 

Happy Birthday Marlee! You truly are my sunshine! Your smile brightens my day and watching you grow has made me so proud to be your mom. I hope today and everyday is amazing because you deserve the world. 

We love you to the moon and back!

Moving Day!

We waited three and a half months to move into our new house.

The day came and went like all exciting days do. I feel like I blinked and here we are, one week later, all moved in and calling it our home. 

It was so worth the wait. 

It is hard to even try to explain the amount of happiness I have since moving. Like this house and neighborhood was made for us. I feel productive and motivated and carefree. We have so much room and storage. It's amazing. The kids just run around all day long, laughing, playing, and wrestling. We walk multiple times a week and I even joined a walking group. Me! Anti-social, introverted me! Everything is more convenient. Parks, grocery stores, quick trips to the gas station, work. Everything is around us. It feels like home, even after one week. 

We have done so many little projects so far around the house but there is so much more to come. Removing wallpaper and painting is next. No I lied. Weeding the yard is next. We have to get the house ready for Marlee's birthday party at the end of the month. My baby girl is going to be three! While the painting is not extensive, the kitchen involves a lot of trimming. Not something that can be done while two mischievous toddlers run around. I can see the paint footstep all over the hardwood floors now...

There are so many things to love about the house; all the kids have their own bedrooms, three car garage, beautiful patio with a huge backyard, a basement for the kids to play. I have to admit that my favorite feature is the office. I can close the door and do bills, make phone calls, fill in my bullet journal, and drink a cup of coffee in peace. It is wonderful. I love this house. 

The kids are doing great with the adjustment too. Nicky struggled sleeping in his new bed for the first couple days but Issac, Marlee, and Nicky are all troopers. They have been sleeping like angels and while Marlee regressed a little with potty training, she is back on track. Her first poop on the potty in the new house is in the books! She was just excited to get a chocolate chip cookie. "Mom! They are so good and crunchy!" Thanks Mar. My favorite little cookie lover. 

Well it is now movie night with Isaac and Nick. Better run before he starts banning me from the office. 

Have I mentioned how much I love this house?

Nicky's First Haircut

We finally did it.

We chopped off all of Nicky's luxurious curls.

And if the gut wretching feeling of your baby getting older on a daily basis wasnt bad enough, getting his haircut was enough to make me cry (on the inside). Its like another little man is walking around the house. So handsome. Men are handsome. Not babies.

I will say he did amazing. No crying or screaming. Just lots of curiousity. He looked around every second that he could. Mike (excellent barber and cousin) kept right up with him though. Clipping and buzzing my baby into a little boy. I cannot believe how much older he looks!

Slow down little Nicky! You are still my baby!

A very handsome baby. 

Happy Fathers Day

Happy Father's Day Daddy

I miss you a lot lately. You have been on my mind day and night. Maybe it's the upcoming move. Maybe it's the kids getting so big. Maybe it's just missing my dad.

We officially move in two weeks! We bought a beautiful house in Jackson and it's perfect for our family. I am over the moon excited. We need help moving though. You would have been a great help. You were always the go to guy for that kind of stuff. "You need a fridge, I'll get you one!" "Do you need couches?" "What are you going to do with your old dryer? I'll take it and I won't even charge you. Harharhar." Then I would watch you smoke a cigarette and drink out of a two liter bottle of RC which is sitting in the passenger seat of the truck. 

I can hear you now.

The kids are getting so big. Marlee is so smart. And so funny. And so sassy. You would just be in love. Nicky is my little bruiser. He is rough and sweet and nonstop. All boy! You would be so smitten by the both of them. And they would love you so much. Marlee would think you are hilarious and Nicky would be shy but you would win him over with a pack of Sno Balls. 

I have replayed this over in my mind a million times.

By the way, the Cavs won. Although I am sure you already know that. You had the best seat in the house. We won! We are champions! 

Next is the Browns. 

We might need a little extra luck from above for that one though. 

The sisters are doing great. You would be so proud. They get smarter and more beautiful everyday. Please continue to watch over them. They need it more than I do. 

I have Nick. He is the best dad to the kids. You would be happy. Happy to know how much he cares for them and how much he cares for me. Everything you could have wished for in a husband for your daughter. He misses you too. I think he wanted a call today telling him how bad the Celtics suck. 

We all miss you. We all think about you. We all love you. 

I wish we would have said it more. 

Crib Removal

Fifteen days till the big move! 

Fifteen days!

I took a little stay-cation this week so I could finish up some moving details like switching utilities, changing our address, packing unnecessary items, and really getting things organized for the big day. 

So far we have done nothing but have a whole lot of fun as you can see. 

Do not get me wrong, I would not change these moments for anything. I mean look at those faces! Pure joy.

Butttt with Nicky becoming a ninja gymnastic overnight and not only jumping out of his crib but also climbing into his sisters crib in the morning, I decided the cribs had to go. I was hoping they would last until we moved but the kids had other plans. Marlee was super excited for a big girl bed and I figured maybe this would be a good transition. We decided on mattresses on the ground would have to do for two weeks because setting up two beds just to tear them down and resetting them up at the new house was overkill in the lifting and moving and building department. 

So while the kids were quietly occupied in the living room, I took it upon myself to break down the cribs. Or at least start. Marlee was going to be so excited! 

I was about half way through Marlee's crib and Marlee came in to find me.

"Mom, wat you doin' to my crib?"

The tears forming in her eyes. 

"Marlee I am getting you a big girl bed!"

"Mommy, I don't want to be a big girl! I want to be a baby in my crib!"

Bawling. Bawling. Bawling. 

She cried and cried. It broke my heart. I really thought that she was going to be so excited and boy was I wrong. She wanted to stay a baby. I wanted her to stay a baby.

So I cried too.

We laid on her mattress and cried together until we both calmed down. She sang me a song and I played with her hair. Then we talked about her new pink room and her new princess sheets and her how wonderful the new house will be. 

She ended up helping me take down the crib and Nicky's crib too. She made sure the blankets were placed properly on the mattresses and that the pillow sat perfectly at the top. And don't forget all the stuffed animals. 

"They are my favorite part mom."

I prayed for a good night. I was hoping that she would not be scared. And that I would actually be able to get some sleep. I checked on them around midnight and both had rolled to the floor. Marlee had her legs under the dresser and Nicky was in a ball in the corner. I picked them both up and placed them back in bed. 

I gave them kisses and quietly tip toed out of the room. 

They will always be my babies. 

Crib or no crib. 

Before I Was Mom

A friend of mine posted a question on Facebook on what advice or tip you wish someone would have told you before you became a mom. I was going to write a response but it seemed like everything I said came out a bit negative. So let me start off by saying this; being a mom is the greatest challenge and blessing I have ever been given. I love my kids and I love being a mom. I just also enjoy work, wine after bedtime, and watching Netflix in silence. Being a mom is a balancing act which requires daily perfecting. These are some of the things I wish I was told before I was a mom. 

1. Being a mom is hard. And it is a type of hard you have never experienced. And it is a different type of hard. It pushes you to explore levels of yourself that you never knew existed. Babies cry. A lot. They do not care that you had a bad day. They do not care that you are exhausted. They do not care that you are still wearing yesterdays clothes which may or may not have chunks of yesterdays baby vomit on them. You will cry with them. You will wonder 'what the hell did I get myself into?' You will question if you are strong enough to go another sleepless night. You are. Your routine will change to accommodate the little monster. You will feed before eating. You will change a diaper before peeing. You will pack everything in that diaper bag that can possibly fit just to ensure that your child stays happy during your trip to the grocery store just to get there and forget your wallet (been there, done that - maybe twice). It is hard and overwhelming and you will not be sure if you are doing it right. You are. 

2. Do not listen to everyone. People are going to give you advice. Everyone is going to give you advice. Some good, some bad. And if you are anything like me, you will listen and nod and thank them. You may or may try out the advice but let me tell you something, you do not have to listen to everyone. There are all kinds of extremely passionate people who think they know the very best way to raise a child. All children are different. I have two completely opposite children. While crying it out worked for one, the other needed to be held and cuddled every night until they were ten months old. One latched like a pro while the other needed coerced for about three months. The bottom line is feed your child, let your kid sleep, let them play, and let them grow. How you are going to do this is up to you. You do not have to listen to every opinion and 'research' and methods of parenting. What ever works for you, works for you. This is not a competition. And stay off baby blog/advice boards. Trust me. People on the internet are crazy. 

3. You will dislike your husband. Ok, let me first give my husband credit where credit is due. He is incredibly helpful and attentive to the children. He changes diapers, feeds, plays, carries, entertains, and loves the kids. With all that being said, the feeling of dislike for your husband during those first months are normal. He gets to go back to work. He did not gain any weight. And during the third feeding of the night while he is still snoring, I am still trying to get baby to latch in the dark. No I did not want to smother him but I did want to nudge him a bit. Like off the bed. A nice hard nudge. Of course I would apologize but for the moment, it would be nice to have someone awake with me. Husbands try to help but sometimes it just does not cut it. I was superwoman. I could do everything myself! Which leads to the last bit of advice. 

4. Ask for help! People like to help. People naturally want to be helpful. A lot of the time though (like my husband), they are not sure how to help. So what do you need? Do you need a coffee? Ask that friend who wants to come see the baby to bring you one. Or make a coffee and take it into the next room while your husband entertains the baby. Need a little help with dinner? Hey mom, can you bring over some dinner when you come visit? Need to take a nap before your body melts into a puddle of tears and baby drool? Hubby, take over - momma needs a nap! With Marlee, I tried so hard to avoid asking for help. I birthed this child and I will take care of all her needs! She was not any persons responsibility but my own. Well that obviously backfired. I felt secluded. I was secluded. I secluded myself. I feed in the bedroom, which usually turned into nap time, which turned into feed time, and so on went the cycle. I spend a ton of time in the bedroom with Marlee. I would come out when people were over but it was exhausting and we would have to quickly go back to the bedroom for feedings. I took Marlee everywhere I went. I spent every waking moment with her. I burned myself out. Once Nicky came along, things quickly changed. I asked for help. I dropped the kids off at moms to go shopping. I took time for myself. Even if it was ten minute on the back patio drinking coffee. Ask for help. You will be a better person because of it. A happy mom makes a happy baby. 

Advice is a funny thing. It is hard to even imagine what it is like being a mom until you are actually a mom. It is easy to plan and prepare but at the end of the day, all babies are different. And babies are one thing you can plan for but everything else goes the opposite way. You have to be able to go with the flow. Day by day. Heck if you have toddlers, its hour by hour (mood swings - ugh). Plan for the unplanned. Laugh, smile, and play everyday. Hug, kiss, and cuddle. 

Tell them you love them every night and you are doing a good job.