Is It Nap Time Yet?

I feel like this is my life motto lately. I literally wake up and the first thing I do is plan my next nap time.

 

Not literally. Marlee demands attention waaay before I get any actual intelligent thought in my head.

 

Lately I have not been sleeping well. And of course my anxiety is at all time high because of this. Or maybe my lack of sleep is because of the anxiety? Either way, they are directly correlated and its sucking me dry. I am either too hot, or too cold, or uncomfortable, or have a bad dream that I can't shake quick enough to fall back asleep.

 

My OB appointment for baby number 2 was last Thursday and I have been having anxiety ever since I scheduled this appointment. I am not even sure why I feel this way. I am having way more symptoms then I did with Marlee but still don't 'feel' pregnant. I have the textbook nausea (just barely), fatigue, cravings, and bloating. I obviously have take several pregnancy tests and the doctor confirmed it - I'm pregnant! - but I feel different. So I was so anxious to finally get to hear a heartbeat at my appointment - maybe just so it would feel more real!

 

Well we did the 20 question interrogation as usual - 'Second baby?' 'Any symptoms?' 'Any bleeding?' 'Do you smoke?' 'Is Dad healthy?' 'How was the birth of baby number one?' Etc etc. Then we had to do the exam and she said we would try to hear the heartbeat since I was 'thin' and almost 10 weeks along (I was nine weeks and 4 days). So she applied the cold gel and waved the magic wand but there was nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

 

It was hard. Really hard. She said it was too early. I knew it was too early. But I wanted to hear it so bad. I was waiting and praying and hoping for a beat. She asked if I wanted an ultrasound but I declined. My husband was not there and I did not want to get all upset over nothing. It was too early. I just have to wait two more weeks and she said I could come back to hear it. Just because we could not hear it does not mean that there is not one.

 

But my anxiety is not at bay. I am restless and secretly distraught. I need to snap out of it and realize that we didn't even go to our first appointment with Marlee till after 12 weeks. Everything just felt so much more real with her.

 

Now that my anxiety is out there, maybe my anxiety will subside for a bit. A little release of emotions. My next appointment is the 26th which is a little over a week away. I should be pretty busy between now and then so my mind will be full - hopefully.

 

Here's to busy schedules and even busier minds!

Random Thoughts Saturday

Nicholas is having trouble sleeping this morning which is more then likely because he has been on midnights this week so his sleep schedule is all off. Of course, in my mind, he is having trouble sleeping because he is anxious about things. Which makes me anxious about things. And now my mind is going and I can seem to shut it off. So this post will have more random thoughts then is necessary for a 7am post should ever have. 

The usual thought I have lately is what Marlee is going to look like. I figured this is pretty common for pregnant ladies. I hope she has hair. Shallow I know but I want that beautiful, dark, Italian haired babe. I haven't had any heartburn though. Is that old wives tale even true? I will google that later. 

I painted my nails two days ago and they already look like crap but I'm too lazy to remove the nail polish so they will continue to look like trash. I painted my toe nails like two months ago and they look brand new. What gives? 

I always thought I wanted to be a dog if I could be any animal. Brusco pretty much has the life. Then Scuba Steve (or Raphael as Isaac is now calling him) came along and I'm starting to reconsider. This turtle does nothing but bask in the sun all day long. Sometimes he power swims but usually he just sits there. Waiting for this next feeding. I need some sun in my life. 

"Hello, I am zee laziest French turtle." 

Yes, Scuba Steve is French. 

I'm gonna make a pot of coffee. I need coffee. 

Pregnant girls in bikinis; is this a no-no? Too bad. I do not have any other types of swimsuits and as previously mentioned, I need some sun. 

I need to scrub my shower before I go into labor. 

I hate contractions. And by this I mean 'don't', 'can't', 'won't' etc. This must be a AP format thing. Thanks nursing school for ruining me. Sometimes I have to use them though. It seems unnatural  to write 'do not' especially when I don't (see!) talk like that. 

Candy Crush is the devil. Who would make such an addictive game?

I still do not want to give birth to this child. The actual labor part seems so much less fun then the pregnancy part. What happened to the stork bringing new babies? 

Marlee is up! 

Now I am hungry. I am thinking I will bribe Nick with coffee to make me some breakfast. I love breakfast. 

Sports bras are the bees knees. I should have been wearing them my entire pregnancy. 

The sisters (-1) are going swimming today! So I am justifying my lack of sleep on the fact that I need to get things packed. 

Hope everyone has a happy Saturday!